HI!  I'm Terry and this is  me with one of the cars I've owned.  It's a Rover SD1 with a V8 engine.  I am an engineer by trade and love mechanical things, puters, reading and music.  Also living by the sea in southern England I love boats and have a 1917 yawl built in NZ that I'm trying to restore. I also run a website for my fellow bearcubs at Our New Forest with contributions from some of the members here.  I hope you can find time to visit it and maybe add your own page to it if you feel it will help you to write your story in a more indirect way than putting it down as yourself

Healing.

Hi all,  I'm Terry aka known as terrybear.  I got that name from a dear friend of mine that I met a long time ago in the IWA section of HSX200 in the Compuserve online service.  She christened a number of us bearcubs and we have taken care of each other since.   I wandered into HSX to research the effects of male rape. 

I had recently reached the end of a long and hard battle against depression and anxiety which seemed to disappear when I managed to break down the barriers in my own mind and recall the events that led to my repressing certain memories that had a direct relationship to the attempted rape.   I was always conscious of a problem in my life, which I found it impossible to resolve.  I couldn't explain it to doctors.  I was happy with everything and yet there was always the feeling something wrong.  Eventually healing started on it's own with panic attacks and anxiety as the walls that I had built at long ago began to tumble. Over a nine-year period I gradually whittled away at the walls until I could see clearly beyond them.  Though the view was not pleasant, it was one I could now bear to see and, as if by magic, the person I was before those events joined me on my journey through life again. I was. In effect, healed.  Though the scars remain, I am, at least, whole again.  The perp has cost me a great deal and it's difficult not to spend ones life wondering what may have been.  One thing I am grateful for is the opportunity to meet such wonderful people whose journeys to healing I have shared over the last 8 years.  I am now 56 years into my journey through this life.  I was a lonely child and probably depressive then for various reasons.  It is difficult to explain why. Many circumstances led to my feeling unwelcome in the world I lived in. I think this was more accidental than due to abuse.  Now I'm interested in the psychology of my own and others healing.  The field is a large one and extremely interesting. I have seen some wonderful acts of selfless courage and kindness while online  and I know I will see more as I continue this journey. Welcome to the list anyone reading this.