Courageous to the end

HAPPIER TIMES: Maria de Silva, photographed earlier this year with one of her much-loved cats, started 2003 well but couldn't shake off the mental illness which has haunted her. MIKE KNOTT/Manukau Courier

22 July 2003

But that night Ms de Silva's beloved cats were bound for new homes after being collected by her family.

Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in 1998, Ms de Silva burned to death in Aotea Square in the early hours of Wednesday morning.

Police are not looking for anyone else in connection with the incident and have cleared the 53-year-old of any involvement with 14 other fires set in Auckland City on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning.

The officer in charge of the arson investigation, Detective Senior Sergeant Jon Moss, says the arsons and Ms de Silva's death are a "tragic and uncanny coincidence".

By all accounts, Ms de Silva was well-read, well-travelled and deeply committed to helping other people. It was this which brought her into contact with the Manukau Courier.

Earlier this year, she contacted the paper wanting to publicise the Christine Whittle Memorial Trust she was setting up for those with borderline personality disorder. The name was in memory of a young Counties Manukau woman with the illness who died last year.

Ms de Silva did not try to hide her own illness, instead speaking openly about it and her goal to help others in similar circumstances.

She told reporter Tamara McLean: "The condition leaves you feeling alone, empty and often worthless. That's why it's vital to have someone to talk to who understands what you're going through. They may help you find the light at the end of the tunnel."

On average, the paper receives a telephone call at least once a month from an individual or group setting up a new charity and wanting publicity.

E-mails, faxes and phone calls arrive daily about the fundraising and awareness activities of schools, charities, non-profit organisations and sports clubs.

But Ms de Silva stood out. She was passionate about the project and brimming with enthusiasm.

But she was also candid and courageous in speaking about her own struggle with mental illness.

Stable for most of her adult life, Ms de Silva told the paper she started suffering from wild mood swings in 1998. Feeling constant exhaustion and confusion, she said it was a relief when she was finally diagnosed.

In 2001 she stood as a candidate for the Counties Manukau District Health Board.

But the condition left Ms de Silva unable to control her impulses, regardless of how well her life was going.

She told the Manukau Courier: "I'll be feeling fine then burn my toast, or something small like that, and suddenly feel intensely angry with myself."

Ms de Silva said during her low points she would act impulsively by spending, binge eating or driving recklessly.

She said she was also prone to self-harm and had attempted suicide to escape the pain.

"It's like being in a deep, dark hole. Like a windscreen that has shattered - it's still stuck together but really it's in hundreds of pieces."

When Ms de Silva spoke to the Courier she was feeling confident and positive about her treatment, known as dialectical behaviour therapy, which teaches sufferers to recognise what triggers them and react differently.

She said: "It's definitely harder than it sounds but you can get there and be cured. So many people have, it just takes time."

Counties Manukau District Health Board general manager of mental health Ian McKenzie says Ms de Silva had been receiving treatment for some time.

Mr McKenzie knew of her efforts to start a borderline personality support group and says her death is a tragedy.

"Her death is extremely sad. It shows even with really appropriate care tragedies can happen," he says.

An inquiry into Ms de Silva's death has been launched by the health board, something Mr McKenzie says is routine under the circumstances.

Ms de Silva's neighbour, Liseba Lea, remembers her as a kind and generous woman.

"She was a good lady. She would say hello from her clothesline or visit. She would hug and kiss me."

Mrs Lea knew Ms de Silva was ill because she spent weeks at a time away from home and in hospital.

During those times Mrs Lea would feed her beloved cats, something she was prepared to continue if required.