Feedback On Essay
What is True Infantilism?
If you have a view that you would like to share with me, I would be delighted. Kathi
2007
Dear Ms Kathi Stringer, I just recently read your post of Infantilism
and I found it to be very informative. Especially since I am or have
been involved in this kind of behavior for most of my life. It probably
started if my memory is correct when I was about 7, 8, or 9 years old. I
truly thought back then that I was the only kid in the world going thru
this and having these feelings. I am in my mid 40's now and still feel
the need to wear diapers and have those feelings, just as I did when I
was 8 years old. Thomas
2007
Dear Kathi, I have read your articles about infantilism and find your
insights and your argumentation most fascinating. There is much truth
and help in them. Gert
2007
Kathi, I just read your article "What is True Infantilism?" I want to
thank you for your insights. For the first time in my life, I revealed
my Infantilism to my therapist, my wife, and my long-time best friend,
about a week before I read your article....Your article describes many
of the events in my own life. S.G.
2007
Hi Kathi I read your articles on Infantilism and I have to say thanks
for the insight into a condition I have lived with all my life. I found
the articles very helpful in helping me understand my own affliction.
Cliff
2007
Dear Kathi, I just finished reading your articles "What is True
Infantilism" and The Advanced Baby". Both of the articles were very
informative, detailed and interesting.
2006
And I never thought I find something that would resonate with me like it
did! Both gender identity and some of the other issues you discuss are
things I've been dealing with for a very long time. There's a lot of
info online about gender identity but so much of what's out there
manages to avoid the deeper mental health or philosophical aspects and
instead focuses heavily on the superficial aspects, and the same applies
to anything one comes across regarding infantilism or regression. Simon
2006
Thank you for the information on your website discussing true
infantilism vs. fetishism. There are so very many people involved in one
or the other of these areas and yet it appears to be such a taboo
subject that it is virtually never discussed in mainstream media.
Perhaps that will change, but I doubt it. In any event, thank you again
for your very helpful information. K.H.
2006
Hello Kathi, Some people amaze me, some make me happy, some make me
understand. You did all :) thanks for that, I do wonder, your articles
are good, but how is your own experience or lifestyle towards your
articles?
Thanks, love Peter
2006
Kathi, Hi, and thanks for the article True Infantilism on your web
page..... You're very gifted and I know that you speak from real life
experience as I have seen some of your pictures and I wanted to
personally thank you for sharing and truly explaining Infantilism in a
very positive light...Thanks again Kathi for the wonderful article and
being part of us.
2006
Kathi, I have been searching for information about infantilism and
regression.
What I have found on your website is the best explanation and
contains the most professional information by far, of anyplace that I
have found on the web. You know exactly what it is and what it is like.
I know that there is very little other professional research that has
been done on this topic. Much of what little others have written is
dated. R.B.
2006
Dear Miss Stringer,
Your article on regression and infantilism gives me some hope.
2006
I thank you in every respect, it makes me feel much better about me in
every way; I know that I am not alone thank you!. You hit me perfectly,
thank you. You have put me much more at ease with my life. I tried to
get rid of it for many years, but then I knew that would never happen.
It gives we a warm chill that I am not alone!
2006
I think in general your articles are excellent, and the ones on
regression is right on the mark. T.W.
2005
Dear Kathi, I happen to be going through an incredibly stressful time in
my life, and once again my infantilism has manifested itself. My
wonderful partner ( i am a woman who is married to another woman) found
herself faced with a spouse who was not only dealing with depression and
anxiety, but also who was also demonstrating regressive behaviours. To
make a very long story short, I am fortunate to have found an amazing
counsellor at our local rape crisis centre, and then I was fortunate to
find your article. It helped me, my spouse, and my counsellor
incredibly. I was astounded at how you quite simply described the
condition, and how you mirrored my life with your description of typical
causes. Mostly, though, you helped my spouse. Her fear has turned to
understanding; her apprehension has turned to support.
I frequently read how infantilism was some kind of sexual paraphilia, and I didn't believe it for a moment. I remember needing my transitional objects at a very young age, as a matter of fact, as early as I can remember. Sexual fetish? I knew this was not true in my case. Yet this was what the literature described, and it caused me great guilt and anguish. Was I really some kind of pervert? Now I know that the coping mechanism that I enjoy is simply that; a coping mechanism, and a particularly benign one at that.
Thank you so much for your insightful article. I can't describe how helpful it has been. Missy
2005
Kathi: As an adult that has struggled with infantilism my entire life
fighting depression, guilt, shame and everything else that goes with
wanting to be loved as a "baby" rather than a "man" I sincerely
appreciate the time and effort you put into your essay. I'm 58 years old
and have finally accepted who I am. Had I had your essay to help guide
me 50 years ago, when the urge to put on a diaper first developed, I
know I would have lived a more fulfilled and successful life.
Fortunately, I met a wonderful woman 24 years ago that accepted me as I
was and for the past 24 years, thru her acceptance and patience of my
need, I've accepted myself.
I am the second oldest of seven children, having an older brother that is only eleven months older than I. I was born about a month and half premature and soon after my birth my mother was hospitalized with a mental break down. Your description of potential causes of infantilism, from parents that didn't seem to know how to or have the time to parent hit right at home. I grew up with a total feeling of worthlessness and of being unloved. By regressing at an early age, I was able to, at least in my mind, find peace. Thank you for taking the time to put into understandable words, an acceptable reason, for why we are what we are. I know that your essay has been read by many and have helped more of us than you will probably ever know. Mike
2005
I read your article regarding infantilism and found it very useful in
understanding myself, Thank You.
2005
Hi and wow! I loved your article so much!
2005
I saw your article about infantilism a while back. I am an 18 year old
girl
infantilist, and wanna say that your article really helped my mom.
I have a wonderful boyfriend who I met online and recently met, he is an
infantilist and the love of my life. I had told my mom a little bit
about
it, but it was very hard to explain, and my mom was very nervous in her
mind that it could be a fetish with my boyfriend. We gave her the web
site with the article and she read though it and feels very comfortable
with it now. Thank you for writing this article, without this I could be
in allot of trouble with constant questions from my mother and fear I
would never see my boyfriend again. This article in a way, was a real
life saver. Holly
2005
Dear Kathi, I happen to be going through an incredibly stressful time in my life, and once again my infantilism has manifested itself. My wonderful partner (I am a woman who is married to another woman) found herself faced with a spouse who was not only dealing with depression and anxiety, but also who was also demonstrating regressive behaviours. To make a very long story short, I am fortunate to have found an amazing counsellor at our local rape crisis centre, and then I was fortunate to find your article. It helped me, my spouse, and my counsellor incredibly. I was astounded at how you quite simply described the condition, and how you mirrored my life with your description of typical causes. Mostly, though, you helped my spouse. Her fear has turned to understanding; her apprehension has turned to support.
I frequently read how infantilism was some kind of sexual paraphilia, and I didn't believe it for a moment. I remember needing my transitional objects at a very young age, as a matter of fact, as early as I can remember. Sexual fetish? I knew this was not true in my case. Yet this was what the literature described, and it caused me great guilt and anquish. Was I really some kind of pervert? Now I know that the coping mechanism that I enjoy is simply that; a coping mechanism, and a particularly benign one at that.
Thank you so much for your insightful article. I can't describe how helpful it has been. M.
2005
I don't know whether to kiss or kill you. (lol) After years of wondering
why I was unable to validate my own creative style as an actor and
recording artist( always mimicking other artists or actors--never able
to create and develop my own unique "style") I now have an idea as to
why this was. Unfortunately for me, this knowledge comes to me too late
in life to be able to be of any benefit to me in a professional/career
sense. Hollywood and Nashville are youth oriented, marketing wise. But
at last, some long time unanswered questions have been, if not answered,
at least shed a little light on. Probably wasn't much I could do about
it anyway. The best thing for me to do when I had a choice was choose a
different career. But I certainly had the talent and looks for a
successful career in showbiz. Just the wrong psyche.
I am a True Infantilist. At least in the sense your and Dr. Vaknin's
essays describe. A lot of other unanswered questions were also addressed
in those
treatises. Thank you. Sincerely, William Windsor
2005
I just read your review on Infantilism. In your article, you described
my childhood and later years perfectly. Reading your article was the
first time I've received confirmation of what I've believed all my life,
but could not find research to back up my feelings. I am married to a
wonderful woman who takes care of both my baby side and my female side.
You are correct, a transexual is not tied to a fetish. I long to be
accepted in society as a female; my wife supports me in this desire. My
female baby side brings many hours of total relaxation to me. Before I
retired, I would throw myself into my work in order to "get away" from
who I really am. That only led to my depression and somewhat bad moods
on occasion since I couldn't have baby or Melissa seen to by my "Mommy"
or "Girlfriend" when baby and Melissa needed attention. One last remark,
your article taught me more about my personality than any of the four
therapists I've seen during my life. I'm currently discussing a sex
change program with my Medical Doctor. She also supports my wishes.
You're right, it is only when I accept myself will I be truly happy.
When I break down and have my toes and nails done at my nail tech's
salon, I am absolutely in love with life. The ladies all accept me and
that's what makes the difference. Thank you again for helping me find
peace within myself. M.
2005
I am e-mailing you to thank you for a clearer and more knowledgeable
explanation of infantilism, I am 15, and I am living in foster care, I
have found that I have had to move from place to place many time because
of this "babyness", I am not sure what category I come under, but I have
no control over it, if I am really stressed, I do more babyish things
without realizing. You webpage has helped me further understand the link
between me being "baby" and lion who I believe is my transitional
object.
Once again many thanks for the article, you have a gift for writing and I hope my comments have been useful, if you ever need someone to ask then let me know, I have already informed my foster mum that I would be e-mailing.
As a side note, a copy of this article has been placed in my folder which is passed to any foster parents I go to, and since that has been done then I have only been to the one placement, where I am now is by far the best place I have ever been, people can understand the why, and then learn to accept the when. Many, many thanks. J.
2005
I am in general agreement with your comments and thank you for posting
them. My experience in dealing with patients who exhibit these behaviors
is that there is a dynamic of self castration internalized from
castrating wishes the mother experienced around the child and towards
the child.
In the end, there is a great deal of repetition compulsion of internal
criticism and judgment and trying to 'get rid of the behavior's feeds
into that and recreates it.
So, as you stated so well, self acceptance and love is the best approach to target the emptiness and pain that was ground for the growth of the process. I thought the object relations and Winnicottian connections especially elegant; nicely done. A gentle non judgmental explanation that is appreciated by many. A Therapist
2005
You have described better than anyone I have read what True Infantilism
is all about. It has its beginnings in earliest childhood. BY the time a
child is two or three years old this phenomenon is or at least can be a
conscious part of one's being. Even at that early age the fear of
discovery can be intensely present in the individual.
This is apparently a situation from which numerous people suffer. So
much on the inter-net has transposed the entire issue to something
comparable to
a fetish.....It amazes me that there is so little professional
investigation of this topic. What little information there is seems to
gravitate to trashy sites.
Thank you for addressing the problem from a professional and rational
perspective. R.M.B.
2005
I just read your article on infantilism. Wow!! I have a 13 year old son
who has been getting into so much trouble because of his need to wear
diapers. He has tried to steal them from stores. He goes thru people's
trash. We have been beside ourselves. This information is so helpful. I
would love to talk to you more about it. Let me know if that is
possible. If not, thanks for your insight. The article is really
helpful. J.
2005
I just read your articles on "What is True Infantilism?" and I have to
say it was wonderful. I am a true Infantilist and your article really
spoke to me. Thank you for your interest, and your profound views. I
have read some other articles on Infantilism, and some of them called us
perverts and one supposedly done by a doctor said we were all sick. It
is nice to see someone treating Infantilism the way it should be
treated.
Thank You Again.
2005
The articles you have posted on your website about infantilism.... are
sensitive and insightful. I am a happy..., and have been in many loving
relationships in which my baby needs have been incorporated, and even
enhanced the relationship – what bonding! I am also a successful
professional, and more importantly, a good friend, daughter and sister.
Thank you.
2005
Though I emailed you several years ago for reasons I no longer remember,
a link brought me back to your site tonight. I am completely and totally
blown away at this moment. As I read the paragraph entitled, "The Abuse
Connection" the greatest mystery of my life became solved. Word for
word, this is an exact description of the events of my childhood.....In
my daily life, I work for a Silicon Valley high tech company, in a
position of great responsibility. I function and socialize normally both
within and outside of the work place. On the exterior, I am SO normal; a
true functioning and productive member of society. On the interior, I
have days where I feel this guilt and think I must absolutely be the
most screwed up member in all of society. All and all, I’ve learned just
to ‘go with it’. I’ve thought about seeking professional help yet
realize the primary focus would really come back to self
acceptance.....Tonight that imaginary light bulb burned bright above my
head as I feel, you have totally enlightened me. For this Kathi, I thank
you. I feel as though I’ve been touched by someone special. Thank-you
again, R
2004
I read your report, and felt that it was the first time it has been
explained in a non-sexual forum. I feel it is explained properly and for
the most part exactly how I feel.....Thank you for all that you have
done for those of us facing this unusually characteristic.
2004
I don't think I have seen a website before that is as amazing as yours.
Wow. I came across it when doing a web search on infantilism...something
I have long been interested in. I have never read an article that
explained the logic of regression and infantilism as clearly as your
own. You lay out the object
relations concepts even better than an expert would because you
thoroughly explain each one without continuing to add to the pile of
jargon to confuse. Rather than obfuscate you illuminate. Brilliantly.
Anyway, to make a long story short, thank you. Thank you so very much. You are an inspiration and you are doing an incredible service to the public. You are educating both providers and consumers...(as well as those providers who are consumers...this represents quite a large population believe it or not)..and you are doing so in such a down-to-earth way. And again, I don't think I've ever read a paper that defines infantilism so convincingly. Kudos to you. Best wishes, E. H. (from NYC)
2004
I have fallen in love.......................and I have just been
informed by my lover that he wears diapers. Not knowing anything about
this, having never even heard anything like this or even imagining it,
it got online. Finding sights that made me cry with dread. Praying for
some help in understanding. I found this site. You have truly given me
hope. This would not be a reason for me not to love this man. If you
post this message I would have to say to someone scared to inform a
lover, be brave, disclose, the right person for you will accept you and
love you. S.K.
2004
I am a grad student at UMass Amherst in the DEpt. of Comparative
Literature. I have found your definition and explanation of infantilism
quite useful. Thank you for your help and a wonderfully clear, concise
article. Your newest article, "An Object Relations Approach to
Understanding Unusual Behaviors and Disturbances," was also quite
helpful. Sincerely, S Morton, Ph. D. candidate
I read your article with tears running down my eyes. My 12 year old son came to me last night asking if he could wear diapers. I sat down with him and asked him why he thinks he should wear them and he responded he didn't know. He is an Aspergers Child, but not severe. He doesn't have many friends, but is very liked at school. He's a tall boy for 12 and has always been mistaken for a much older child. His father re-partnered 6 weeks after we had separated and has since fathered two other children one is G 2and the other is B 6 months old. He gets on very well with both of them and the relationship between his father and myself is very amicable.
I'm trying to understand what he is going through and while frantically searching the internet came across your article.
I let him wear an adult diaper today and he seemed happy and cuddly all day. He actually wet his diaper and suggested it was now time to take it off. He seems happy, but obviously I need to understand his thought pattern currently. S.A.
2004
I recently came across your article "What is True Infantilism" on your
web site. I would like to thank you for the most well-written, realistic
and revealing article I have ever read on the subject. This is saying a
lot since I'm now 40 and a life long infantilist.
A year or so ago I wanted to find out more about it through a therapist. Most therapists I interviewed via e-mail had no information on it and acted as though it was very rare. This was contrary to the hundreds of infantilists I know personally and the thousands I know of. It's out there in all age groups, races, and income brackets and there's virtually no reliable information available from an objective source such as yours.
I know from myself and others that this mental state caused us all a
lot of grief and pain growing up when in-fact it's simply our reality
and coping mechanism. Is is so terrible? No. I'm a fully functioning
adult with a great career who finally realized how to balance it in my
life and with my lover. It actually kept me off of drugs and things that
were truly harmful. It took a lot of work and took it's toll on my life,
but I'm finally there and content about it.
I just wish I had read your article 20 years ago.
As a result of limited information on the subject other than on sexually oriented sites, I give daily advice and information to people who contact me. Just the little information I send their way changes their lives forever. I will refer them to this site in the future. Fortunately the web now exists so we know others like us exist. This has been wonderful.
So...thank you and please keep up the good work and please let me know if you need any information from our end. E.
2004
I opened msn and typed in Infantilism then clicked search, your web page
was third from the top. I must commend your efforts to research a topic
that has been taboo for decades. J.A.
2004
Your articles are the only place that I have found an accurate
description of the anguish, fear, guilt, and feeling of failure that
accompany infantilism. The desire to stop. The urge to give in. The
contradicting psychological feelings can tear a person apart. The desire
to purge and then the overwhelming "psychological need" to indulge is
unbearable.
I can remember these feelings as far back as when I was two or three
years
old. I was in the hospital for surgery at age three. I remember being
diapered by the nurses. It was the warmest emotion that I ever felt.
I used to think that I was the only one in the world that felt this way. Again and again you explain what and how I have felt for years. It is like you are inside my head.
It is discouraging that there seems to be no hope. I just hope God sees my sins in a forgiving light. Thank you Kathy for your tremendous intellectual input. At least I have a start at understanding. B.B.
2003
I have just read your site and have a greater understanding of what
infantilism is, and for that I thank you very much. B.
2003
On your site you have written a documentation on Infantilism Paraphillic
Infantilism I believe to be exact.
I am performing a study on this abnormal behavior, and discovered that there is not a whole lot of professional research done on the topic, besides what's on the Internet, which is not professional. APA journals which I have access to at my educational institution do not mention Infantilism (should I try a different name)? J.
2003
Your research and publication on the internet is highly insightful. You
are obviously very gifted, compassionate and blessed with the ability to
express yourself clearly. It would be a pleasure for me to share with
you my experiences that confirm your thesis despite my extreme
embarrassment about them usually. I hope you don't mind this note, but I
feel as if I've met a kindred soul and felt compelled to let you know
how deeply your work has touched me.
2003
Thank you for putting up your site. I have recently told some good
friends .... and have gotten good responses. I am going to show them
your site as well. Just in case I didn't answer all their questions
Oh, if you ever need me to do a questionnaire or help in anyway, I would love to. I spent about $8000 of my own money to see a counselor on this topic. She finally told me there is nothing wrong with what I do as long as I can confine it to the privacy of my home and not let my adult life suffer because of it.
2003
You have created a phenomenal site. I've never seen Infantilism
explained in a more compassionate, understanding way. I was pleased to
see the 'abuse' connection and the fact stated that diapers are not a
fetish, they are a comfort/nurture tool. Thank you for that. S.C.
2003
I just want to tell you that you have written the best explanation of
regression that I have ever read! Man! Is it on the money!!!!!! You
would be a most interesting person to talk to!!!!!!!!! B.K.
2003
First of all let me say how much I appreciate your website and the work
that you do Ms. Stringer. I have been reading Infantilism for about
three years now, but didn't really understand it till I discovered your
site about two months ago. J.C
2003
I was so happy to find your site! I did a search on infantilism (After
finding out what it meant) and realized that I'm not alone! I read your
write up about Infantilism and found it very very interesting, Thank you
very much! C.M.
2003
I am what your site refers to as an Infantilist. I stumbled onto your
site and found it to be well written and describes me in many ways to a
tee. I only wish I could find a counselor that understood about
infantilist so I could actually be able to work on my problems a bit
more. I have come to terms with my infantilism and most of my family
know about me now. (which helped me a lot) B.C
2003
Interesting and informative web site I enjoyed reading more about
infantilism. M.L.
2003
I really found your article very informing. I need to talk to someone
about it. I have a lot of feelings deep down inside of me that have
recently emerged and I need to dump them on someone who can be trust
worthy. Do you know of someone (Prefer some on in the mental heath
field) that might have some experience in this matter.
Just need to talk to someone. Thank you. J.L.
2003
I want to thank you for the site you posted about Infantilism!
As you said, I thought I was the only one in the whole world. At first I tried denial. But the urge to wear a diaper and be a baby just would not go away. Years ago before the internet it was impossible to find any information about infantilism. It was difficult to even find the word "Infantilism". When I first accepted what was happening I could only find one page in one book in a four story book store.
I have since found several other infantilist. I have met many of them. I have found them to be ordinary people from all walks of life. None of them were "weird" or "crazy". So I figured that I probably was not all that "weird" or "crazy" either.
I have grown to accept that part of me that requires me to be a baby from time to time. I have even found that part of me has given me a better insight and understanding of my children and grand children. It some times is very helpful to see the world through the eyes of a child....P.S.
2003
I just read your article on your page explaining Infantilism . I am 19
and been struggling with this my whole life. I have never heard anyone
explain my feelings as well as you. I am currently in a Job Corps .
facility, and being in such a place is even harder on my "condition".
Once again....Thank you from every bit of my heart and soul THANK YOU
C.A.
2003
Your site is very interesting, and the first to take professional look
at Infantilism, hopefully one day there will be more support, and maybe
some kind of cure. Thanks J.S.
2003
I showed to my wife your writings along with others I found on the net.
What you wrote is stuff I tried to share with her and did not know how
to explain. I know now that she understands in greater depth. And is
much more accepting. As time goes by I would like to keep you informed.
Thanks again, John........
2003
I want to thank you. A few days ago I read, for the first time, your
work on "What is Infantilism." I printed the opinion and read it over
many times, then gave it to my wife to read.
I am a true Infantilist, who through the grace of God, has had the good fortune of being married to the most wonderful woman in the world. It will be 23 years this July 4th. We are both 46 years of age and she has known that I wear diapers since the age of 16, although it took years for her to come to understand why. I guess it is fair to say that I am still searching for answers myself.
Over the years I have experienced fear, guilt, humiliation, and despair in trying to come to terms with a lifestyle, imposed upon me from sources within and for reasons that I still do not understand. But what you wrote, at least for me, is one of the most plausible, insightful writings on the subject I have read.
My wife and I still struggle at times, with our ability to satisfy my urges. But even though I have dealt with these urges from my earliest memories to this day, you illuminated a condition and brought additional clarity to the subject for [my wife] and I.
Being of Irish decent, brevity is not my forte. So I will force myself to stop here and simply once again say thank you for your writing skills and compassion. Warmest Regards..T.S.
2003
I am happy that your web site takes an positive look at infantilism
instead of an negative look at it. B.A.
2003
I just read your article on "Infantilism" and feel it is absolutely the
very best article I have ever read on the subject!! L.B.
2002
Wow! Kathi that has to be the best analog on infantilism I have ever
read. Blows out anything Tommy has ever written on the subject. Where
did you learn all that? I believe what you wrote should be the corner
stone on Infantilism. Everything you wrote down in each category made so
much sense. I related to it very much. Please do not stop in your
endeavors in explaining Infantilism especially when most everyone
believes that infantilism is a fetish. You really did your homework on
this one my little friend. Congratulations is deserved.
Thank you for such a wonderful explanation on infantilism. I printed a copy if you don't mind. I will definitely use it when I have the need to explain my behavior to someone.
Keep writing, you have a gift.
2002
I have been studying psychology books my whole life to find out why I
was different. Your little letter to me told me exactly why! I never
accepted Freudian ideas before because I thought there were other ways
of explaining my behavior. You have described AB's motivations EXACTLY.
If you can, please put your thoughts about infantilism on your website.
It might help someone else. I really love your courage.
2002
---Thank You for posting this I hope many will read it and really feel
what its saying. Yes all of you who feel uneasy about your infantilism,
Its ok. You are beautiful and wonderful people and my feeling is that
infantilism is a healthy way of dealing with things you missed out on as
a small child. Be happy and secure with who and what you are. YOU ARE
VERY SPECIAL.
2002
This is so awesome, my God, I couldn't believe I was reading this, it's
right on the money, now I have a better understanding of what
Infantilism is all about, I've been into this since age 5, and I know
it's never going away, my inner child is thriving now, I wanted to cry
when I read this, I can totally associate myself with this, really
amazing! Thank you !
2002
Thanks for sharing what you wrote on this subject. It's very interesting
and very well written too I think.
2002
I have been crying my eyes out over finally finding out the truth about
infantilism. The healing process of years of repressed pain has finally
begun! Your concern and acceptance of me is something that I will never
forget. You are one SPECIAL person and I love you for helping me. Now I
know a little bit more about myself and I hope I can help others who are
still suffering. I will contact you sometime in the future to let you
know how things are going.
2002
Very nice site. I have been wearing diapers since I was a teen and found
what you said about infantilism very interesting. The part about there
is no hope for me to ever quit wearing diapers is very true. My parents
even tried a therapist when I was a teen but she was no help she didn't
seem to understand. I know and have accepted that I will be in diapers
forever.
If you have a view that you would like to share with me, I would be delighted. Kathi