Infantilism and Spirituality
| Main Menu for more information on Infantilism: click here |
This writer addresses the haunting question of spirituality often
raised in the phenomenon of Infantilism. His answers, and his
suggestions offer insight.
-- Kathi Stringer
Written by Wayne
April 21, 2003
“I’m not sure if this is an emotional or spiritual or merely physical thing, some where deep down I still think this is wrong…and again 'I’m not sure if it is an emotional or spiritual or character flaw?”'
These questions many of us really struggle over. They are important to us, important that we find answers of integrity for us. The following response is from the perspective of an AB rather than someone with a diaper fetish. See
http://www.toddlertime.com/regression/infantilism.htm
for a clear summary of the difference. The article deserves careful reading.
For a true infantilist diapers have become an object of nurture and comfort because separation anxieties threatened to overwhelm the young child. In response to this threat of being overwhelmed the young child looks for a solution. It intuitively knows that it needs a greater degree of emotional security than it is currently receiving. This kind of knowing, this innocent wisdom is built in, it is not arrived at by logic or conscious thought processes. A child who is faced with such a problem may arrive at a number of possible solutions. They may for example, withdraw emotionally thereby experiencing attachment problems with the mother, or they may become attached to objects such as diapers that represent the longings for more nurture and love. Such a solution often proves to be at least partially successful in dealing with the child’s anxiety and comfort needs. It therefore becomes very deeply imbedded in the core of the child’s developing psychic.
The point is, that because the child does not choose the solution in any conscious sense, morality does not enter the equation. It is therefore not a character flaw, it is, what it is, the response of an emotionally alive and vulnerable child using its innate wisdom to do its very best to come up with a solution to a problem.
Perhaps the child should be congratulated, not criticized. A Christian might want to ponder the fact that even a baby recognizes its need for love and what that says about the stamp of the divine on us all. In the light of that possibility, the response of the young child can be seen as a spiritual response. It is of course also an emotional response of seeking security, and as adolescence brings an awakened sexuality, which becomes paired with the regressive response, it becomes a physical response to. So in answer to your question it becomes an emotional, spiritual, and physical thing. It is all three.
Having established, I hope, that the original 'decision' that settled on diapers as representing a source of security was not a moral choice by the young child and therefore not a character flaw. Rather it is a creative solution that helped the child refuel emotionally. However you may ask, “Is its continued existence as an adult, a sign of moral weakness or character flaw or spiritual failure?” The answer you come up with depends on your view to this key question. “In the normal course of events are those regressive patterns laid down in early childhood able to be eliminated?” My personal guess is that for some individuals this may be possible, and for others apart from a miracle, they cannot be. Each person must come to some judgment about that, himself or herself. Only you know how much you have really tried.
- If you come to the conclusion, that, “Apart from some miracle
these desires will not go away,” {that is my conclusion} then, the
questions arises,
- How can one live emotionally spiritually and physically with
love and integrity in the face of such a deeply ingrained response?
- Can this unintended disability actually be used for good in your
life?” {Perhaps not total good but significant good.}
- Can this problem be an invitation for growth in wisdom,
compassion, steadfastness, faith, etc etc?”
- Does the good news of your faith allow room for God bringing
good out of imperfection?
- Does your faith allow for imperfect people to walk successfully with their imperfections, with God?
These questions are often difficult for us to answer because:
- The cultural messages of condemnation of ABs run very deep, making discernment between culturally engendered guilt and that of the Holy Spirit difficult.
- Some religious traditions have a very weak grace theology and a very strong works theology, which trap people in perpetual guilt because they can never quite live up to their churches teaching.
So, the journey is not an easy one, least it has not been easy for me, and I have battled with this issue for many-a-year-now, but my experience is that God is less concerned about whether I wear diapers and enjoy being nursed, than whether I relate to my wife and others with integrity and love, seeking always to walk with my God, even if I do so with a limp. He accepts me, loves me, uses me – limp and all. Now that is good news. Let me know what you think.