The NPD Catechism - By Dr. Vaknin

Introduction Page
The Letter
Answer Part 1
Answer Part 2
Answer Part 3

The NPD Catechism - The Letter
The Flagship of NPD

Question to Dr. Sam Vaknin

Would you feel that this fits a narcissist/misogynistic personality?

My husband and I got married a year ago. It is his 1st marriage at  39 years of age. In the two years we have been together, he has without warning physically and emotionally abandoned me six times, anywhere from overnight to more than two months. He says he aches he craves me so much, yet he abandons me repeatedly.

He says all women have 'thrown him to the curb with the garbage' when they are done with him. He says I am too good to be true, he's just waiting 'for the ax to fall'. He says he leaves before he gets kicked out. He kisses and nuzzles me in the morning, and then abandons me at the end of the work day.

He swings from overly sweet to verbally so angry it is shocking. He is the drama king, everything and everyone is stressful or frustrating. He has humiliated me in public, reaching in my shirt to my breasts in a mall food court, lifting my skirt while crossing on a main street intersection

He seems to be overly sexed, at one point three times a night, constantly stating how important it is for him to know that I am available sexually.

He constantly states his self importance: "I'm so kind", "I'm so generous", "I'm so  ethical", "my work is so good", "I'm a well known public figure" type of comments. He constantly is begging for compliments, to a point where it is a turn off, almost childlike. He is emotionally immature and insecure.

Through his abandonment he has destroyed his relationship with my 13 year old son. My son is an honor student, but still a teenager with typical teenage comments and behaviors. My husband blames my son as the reason he left me.

He is angry if I don't work and make money, he is angry if I do work and am not instantly available for his phone calls. He is  financially controlling, there is no joint account or credit cards, no co-mingled funds. The money he does contribute to household expenses, he makes me account for as if I am a child. He either calls me 5 times a day, or 'punishes' by not calling at all.

He has no long term friends or any real social circle. Calls people friends, and then says I didn't realize they've had two children ...

His family is a mess. His sister in therapy for 30 years, himself for more than ten years. He says he could care less if his mother was dead or alive, then he goes to great extreme to show involvement in  unreasonable errands for her. He says his mother 'emotionally' abandoned him at age 7-8. He says he went the longest distance to college to get away from her. He says his mother let his older brother beat him, and then blamed him.

He hid his religion from me, then later claimed it was so important that it was one of the reasons he left.

He lies, even the smallest things.

His male kung fu teacher seems to be strangely overly important to him.

He has a huge need to be humorous, often making up his own jokes (that are not funny) then when people don't laugh, he blames them for not getting it.

He used the term "narcissistic personality" and defined it to me, apparently after one of his counseling sessions

Continue to Answer: Part One

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